The waiting game

Photo by Channing Johnson

I remember when we found out we were pregnant and November seemed so far away. Well it's here, almost halfway over, and we are still waiting. I was given two due dates for this baby, which I know sounds crazy, but it isn't uncommon. Since we did IVF, we know when this all went down. I have been measuring about a week ahead of schedule so that's how we received two different dates. The first one has now passed and we are approaching the original date that was based on my last menstrual cycle. So it could be any day now! 

My parents arrived two weeks ago in the event that I went into labor early. Chris was traveling and it made us both feel better to have someone here just in case. I feel bad that we are all just sitting around, but things will get crazy soon enough and we won't even remember what it was like to just sit around. I have developed a tiny routine of cleaning the house and making sure everything is in order. It's about the only thing I can control at this point so it gives me a sense of purpose. 

Sleeping hasn't been so easy, but I have gotten more shut eye than I expected. If I didn't have to get up to go to the bathroom every couple of hours it would be much easier. The giant body pillow has helped a little with the pain in my hips. Poor Chris probably feels like there are 2 people in the bed with him because the pillow is so large, but whatever works at this point is what we will go with! I was having some pain and pressure in my pelvis so the doctor recommended a maternity belt. After looking them up online I wasn't quite sure how this was going to help but I ordered one anyway. Surprisingly it really did provide some relief. I have also found if I just keep moving and don't sit for too long then it keeps everything loose. This is probably why the pressure is so much more intense at night after I have been laying for a while. It actually feels like a bowling ball is going to fall out of me sometimes when I get up in the night. So weird!

Photo by Channing Johnson

Now we just continue to wait. It's crazy that this huge life event is happening and we have no idea when it will actually go down. The anticipation is crazy, but I am just trying to remain calm and rest as much as possible. I am reading every book I can to try and prepare for this event. I want to attempt a natural birth, but I have no idea what my pain threshold will be. There isn't a medal at the end so I will do whatever will keep the baby and myself healthy. I also want to breastfeed, but it's another unknown. I can read every book and article about how to do all of these things, but we really won't know until baby Lambton arrives. Then we will take it one day at a time and figure it out like all first time parents have done for hundreds of years. 

Everything is ready. The nursery is finished. The laundry remains clean and mostly put away. We have gas in the car. The bags are packed. Now we just need our little miracle to make a move!

Photo by Channing Johnson

Doctors, Specialists, Midwives-I've Seen Them All

I'm not sure I anticipated just how many different doctors I would see throughout this process of making a baby. I guess in a perfect world you have one doctor that you see once that plus sign shows itself on the stick and you finish with that same doctor catching the baby. Well, I have had an entire team in multiple offices and various cities across the state. Now we are weeks away from meeting our little turkey and we wouldn't be here without every single one of them. 

We started with a recommendation to go to an IVF specialist. I had several friends who had been to the same doctor so we made an appointment and we were all in. She was fabulous and always full of positivity, which was refreshing and kept me in a good place that this would work. When we actually got to the testing phase, egg retrieval and implantation, our designated doctor was never working those days. Normally it would make me nervous to see unfamiliar faces, but this practice was beyond incredible and every person instantly became my BFF. The experience couldn't have been more positive and I would recommend every single one of them!

Once we received our positive blood test, we remained with the IVF clinic for a few more weeks just until we saw a heartbeat and they were ready to release us to an OB/GYN. Around week 8-10 we finally went to see my midwife, who is a part of the OB office. That's when we began testing the baby and looking for any abnormalities through blood work and ultrasound. This part is terrifying because the last thing you want to hear is that something is wrong with your very tiny baby that you have worked so hard to create. Our genetic testing came back normal, but on the ultrasound they found a tiny cyst. My heart sank to my stomach and we were off to see a fetal specialist a couple of days later. This doctor performed another ultrasound to see if they could determine what this oh so tiny cyst was. Well, the baby was so tiny that they really couldn't tell what it was, but this doctor proceeded to give me the worst case scenario telling me we may have to terminate. Why in the world would you tell an expectant mother those words when you have no idea what this is because it's way too early to tell??? I was heartbroken and furious all at the same time. Basically we just had to wait and see as the baby grew. We ended up switching to a different fetal specialist after this visit because I needed someone who was a bit more sugar coated in their delivery. Thank goodness I did because our new specialist was honest, but didn't jump to any unnecessary conclusions. We went every 2 weeks for an ultrasound for the first 6-7 months then we were able to go every 4 weeks because it was becoming less of a concern. Finally this week we were cleared because the cyst is gone!!! So much worrying all for nothing, but I am happy that we had the right people in place to make sure everything was okay. 

Now, we are focusing on our classes with our midwife and just preparing for labor. Many people have asked if I am delivering at home because we are with a midwife. No, midwives also deliver in hospitals and that's where we will be. I decided to choose a midwife because I like the care that she provides. She will be by my side from the time we enter the hospital until little turkey arrives. She will also give us all the options when it comes to pain management and birth positions, instead of choosing for us. I want to feel in control of this process as much as I can and I believe my midwife will do her best to allow that to happen. There are doctors there in the event that something happens or if I end up needing a C-section. I am going into this with an open mind because you never know what will happen. This is an unknown for me so I am just going to take it one step at a time and choose the best option based on what's happening with my body. It's terrifying because of all the unknowns, but I am sure that I will be surrounded by the best who will only have the best interest for me and baby in mind. 

I would love to hear about your experiences so please feel free to share below!! 

The long and winding road.....

The road to starting a family did not go as smoothly as I always envisioned. Chris and I were married in 2012 and immediately everyone began asking, "When are you having kids?" I understand this is a natural question to ask, but after the crazy ride we have been on, I ask you to think twice before asking anyone this question. I say this because starting a family is not really a question of timing and for those of us who have had to seek alternate routes to getting pregnant, we just don't have an answer to that question. 

It took me a while to process, but I am now ready to share our journey to getting pregnant because I think it's something that should be talked about more. So many women are dealing with infertility issues and choose to keep quiet for multiple reasons, but honestly it's so much more common that I ever realized. Here is the story of our long and winding road. 

Chris and I met and got engaged in less than a year so I knew that I wanted to wait a little bit before starting a family. There were things that we wanted to accomplish as a couple and I wanted some time to be selfish and just enjoy my marriage. So we did that! We traveled, worked, got a dog and built a house. In 2014 we decided that it was time to pull the goalie and in 3 short months I got a positive pregnancy test. It was on Chris's birthday and we couldn't have been more excited. About a week later it all ended and we went from the highest high to the lowest low in a matter of moments. It happened so quickly that I didn't really have time to process everything. Nothing had been purchased, the nursery wasn't designed and we hadn't heard a heartbeat. But we still had planned that our family would be expanding and now that wasn't happening anymore.

We took a few months to chill and decided we would try again in the summer. I was tracking my cycle, using an ovulation kit and doing everything according to plan. Month after month went by and nothing was happening. This was so frustrating and became such a pain in the butt. The fun that comes along with trying for a baby was not so much fun anymore. It became a job and a process and I was putting entirely too much pressure on that tiny window of opportunity that came along each month. So finally in May of 2015 we decided to seek help and made an appointment with an IVF clinic. We immediately clicked with our doctor and we were excited to move forward after a year of nothing. The first step was testing for both of us. This required lots of blood work, an ultrasound for me and a semen analysis for the hubby. The worst part was the HSG test I had to have to see if there was anything blocking my fallopian tubes. This required a dye to be put in the tubes and then pushed through. I heard horror stories about how painful this was so I was very nervous going in for this test. Mine was a little uncomfortable, but I wouldn't say painful. 

It was a little nerve wracking waiting on the results, but I think more frustration came once we got the results. I never wished for anything to be wrong with either of us, but I think it would have been easier for me to process if there was a reason that we weren't able to get pregnant naturally. The results showed that we were both fertile, healthy and didn't have any issues. They call it 'unexplained infertility'. You would think there could be a better name for it, right?? 

So we had our answers, for now, and in June 2015 we began our first round of treatment. Our insurance required that we start at the bottom and work our way up to IVF. The first month we tried Clomid, which is a pill that is used to stimulate ovulation. I was definitely hopeful that this would be our ticket. I heard horror stories about Clomid and many called it the 'bitch pill' but I didn't really have many side effects. I felt a little different but I also think I was being overly sensitive because I read about the possible side effects. Well after 2 months of this treatment, and no baby, we moved on to the next level which was IUI or Intrauterine Insemination. This process controls the timing and the doctor will insert the sperm at the time of ovulation. There wasn't any pain. It just felt like a pap smear. Not a fun procedure, but not painful. Again, we did two months of this and still nothing so it was time to move on to IVF or In Vitro Fertilization. 

We decided to wait until after the holidays to start because it is a commitment and you have to stick to the schedule once you begin. In February the calendar looked good and I didn't have any travel planned so we began once my cycle revealed itself. There was a lot of monitoring and testing that went along with IVF. Oh and there were shots.....lots of shots and I don't mean the fun kind. The box that came with all my supplies was a bit overwhelming. I have never given myself a shot before so this was very intimidating. The first few I had to get friends to help with, but finally I convinced myself that if I was going to give birth then I should be strong enough to give myself an injection. It started with one a day but by the end of the week I was up to three shots a day in the stomach. I was bloated and just felt awful, but I kept reminding myself that this was worth it and I wouldn't remember the negative parts. Every two or three days I went in for blood work and ultrasound so the doctor could monitor my ovaries and measure the eggs that were developing. Once they were ready, I scheduled my trigger shot to release the eggs and we went in for the egg retrieval surgery. This required anesthesia, but I was only out for about 30 minutes. When I woke up I was so happy because Chris told me to think of something happy before they put me under. This totally worked! Then they gave me animal crackers and I was super excited. Great snack! It's the little things that make me happy apparently. The egg retrieval was definitely the hardest part. I was very uncomfortable, super bloated and it took me a few days to feel good again. They say you should be fine the next day, but I was on the couch for about a week after. 

The doctor retrieved 10 eggs and we waited five days so they could fertilize and turn to embryos. After the five days we ended up with 4 viable embryos that were ready for transfer and the ones we didn't transfer could be frozen for future use. We went back in for the transfer and the doctor chose to implant one embryo. This was a quick procedure and again similar to a pap smear. The coolest part was watching the embryo go into my uterus. We got to watch the entire process, which took about two minutes, on a screen and we left with our first photo. Following the transfer we had another waiting period. Lots of waiting with IVF and really the entire process so be prepared to find some patience and inner peace to keep from going nutty!! About 10 days later we went in for blood work and received a phone call that afternoon that we were pregnant!!!

I will never forget that phone call. We were sitting in Chris's truck and it was the week of his birthday. Very ironic because just two years ago we were experiencing similar feelings when I found out I was pregnant the first time around at the exact same time. I still wake up some mornings and can't believe this is happening. We waited until I was about 8 weeks along before telling our family, just to make sure we were closer to being in the clear of another miscarriage. Now the world knows and I am happy to finally share the journey that got us to this point. It was a long and winding road, but worth every step! 

Baby Lambton coming November 2016!!

Summitt is ready for duty!!